THE BORNLEEE HILLBILLIES v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON

 Posted '1:08pm bells' Friday 3rd May 1974

'Steady Eddie' takes charge of hiz 100th NUFC game tomorrow, lookin for hiz 49th victory ---and 3 points will dee very nicely in wor quest for European futbaall next season! (Eddie iz 2nd anly to King Kev's forst stint at The Toon in the Premyaa Leegue era!)

Bornleee of course are fightin for their lives az they sit 2nd bottom of the table 2 points behind 4th bottom Forest and it iz sure to be a hard game at Turf Moor tomorrow!

Fab Schar iz oot for the rest of the season after sufferin a hamstring injury in wor last game v Sheff U, but there iz hope that Miggy Almiron will take some part in the proccedings<(WE naa aall the big words!)

We are on the 8:45am bells' train in the mornin from the Central to Dewsbury (IF? it tornz up?) and then onward to 'Hillbillie country' (Bornleee iz high up in the Pennine hills---hence 'The Bornleee Hillbillies'!)

AZ IT STANDS!---STILL LOADS TO PLAY FOR!

THE HIGHEST NUFC COULD POSSIBLY FINISH IZ 5th

THE LOWEST NUFC COULD POSSIBLY FINISH IZ 12th

(REALISTICALLY ITS BETWEEN 6th AND 8th)

A full 'Geordie Times' match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Sunday! Az per usual "Watch this space!"

PS: 3 Tyneside team are in the play offs tomorrow and bank holiday Munday!

Stockton Toon v DUNSTON in play off final for a place in The Northern Premyaa Leegue Premier Division, tomorrow in Stockton

Dunston have sold their allocation of 270 tickets!

NEWCASTLE BLUE STAR v Horden CW in play off final for a place in The Northern Leegue Division one, tomorrow in Scotswood, Newcasil 

HEATON STANNINGTON v West Auckland Toon in play off final for a place in The Northern Premyaa Leegue East Division on bank holiday Munday 6th May in Heaton, Newcasil

All ‘3:00 🔔 bells kick offs!

Best of luck to the 3 of yoo!🙏🏻

“MAY DAY!***MAY DAY!”

 Posted just after ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ May Day 2024

THE NEW SJP WITH THE GALLOWGATE EXTENSION

News iz deein the roonds that NUFC are to stay at SJP and not move to a porpose built stadium!

Luke Edwards of the Telegraph newspaper says he haz ‘exclusive’ news of this and iz sticking his neck on the line IF it isn’t true!?

The Gallowgate End (he says) iz to become a mirror image of The Leazes End with an extra tier on top , but that The East Stand cannit be expanded back because of Leazes Terrace behind—-a listed buildin if yoo didn’t already naa!?—-which cannit be demolished or moved!

This would increase the groond capacity to aroond aboot 60,000!

There iz absolutely nothin on the official NUFC website aboot this (nufc.co.uk) OR on the main NUFC pirate fan website nufc.com !?

So make of this wot yoo will and nee doubt in the next few days the club will respond and update us!?—-or will they!???🙃

Another solution to a possible East Stand expansion!---A high narrow stand like the new stand at Dynamo Dresden in Jawmany!

THE TOON 5 THE BLADE RUNNERS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 28th April 2024

A BRAZILIAN TRIBUTE TO BRUNO AND JOELINTON PRE MATCH!

"13---UNLUCKY FOR SOME!"

The day of reckonin for Sheff U fans az their team woz finally relegated to The Championship after this 5-1 thrashin!

However!---It didn't start off well for The Toon az the bottom club took the lead in the 5th minute through Ahmedhodzic at The Gallowgate End! (hope av sppelt hiz name reet?)

They had 3 more chances to increase their lead, before NUFC finally woke up in the 25th minute, az 'Alexander the Great' (Isak) hit a great cross baall shot into the far corner of the Leazes net from a great Murphy through baall, to the relief of the Toon faithful!

The Blade Runners then hit the top of the post----anothaa warnin for us that they were not dead and buried yet!----A bad forst half for us!

We finally took the lead in the 54th minute from a Gordon free kick which foond Bruno's heed az he dived to put the baall into the net!

Gordon woz then fouled in the box 6 mins later and a penalty woz given!--It woz taken by Isak who cooly slotted the baall into the corner of the Gallowgate net! 3-1 to us and breathin' space!

    ISAK PENALTY!

Sheff U were collapsin at this point and just 4 mins after this a Gordon corner ended up in the 6 yard box and after a mad scramble the baall ended up in the net----Looked like an own goal from where we were, but the stadium annooncer gave it to Bruno!?

Super sub Callum Wilson who had anly been on the pitch for 5mins, then sealed the win when Barnes (anothaa super sub) sent him through and he hit a sweet right footer into the corner of the net to complete the rout in the 72nd minute!

That goal woz the 13th we have scored against The Blade Runners in the same season after wor 8-0 rout at their place orlier this season!

A Premyaa Leegue record! (Their 8-0 defeat at Bramall Lane woz aalso Sheff Us record home defeat!)

Attendance: 52,196 (3,204 Sheff U fans---half of them stayed til the bitter end!)👏

*"I WISH IT COULD BE XMAS EVERY DAY!" (A TOON FAN IN A XMAS JUMPER YESTERDAY???) (WE'VE CHOPPED HIZ HEED OFF TO SAVE HIM FROM ANY EMBARRASSMENT!)

SPOT THE BRAZIL FLAG!

FINALLY ! There woz an anti Saudi protest ootside the groond yesterday and one of the six on the far left (that’s reet SIX protesters!) woz wearin wor Saudi away top from last season!—yi couldn’t possibly make it up!!!

THE TOON v THE BLADE RUNNERS *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted' high noon bells' Saturday 27th April 2024

"EIGHT-NIL TO THE GEORDIE BOYS!"

Havin' slaughtered Sheff U 8-0 at their place orlier this season, yoo would 'fink' that the result today would be a foregone conclusion!

Whey 'fink again'!----This iz NUFC and anything could happen!

Wor form iz SO inconsistant that we will probably be pullin wor hair oot by '4:30 bells' shud a home win be in any doubt!?

For example, we hammered Sporz 4-0 two weeks ago and with the same team we lost 2-0 at Palliss on Wedinzday in an abysmal performance!

A win for us would relegate 'The Blade Runners' and to their credit they have sold their entire 3,204 allocation, knowin' that THIS DAY could well put the final nail in their coffin! ie: It aint eazy followin a crap team away from home!

The race for Europe iz nearly at an end, with us in 7th place and Moan U in 6th place in the chase for a Europa Leegue place!

Lewis Miley  Lascelles  Willock  Targett  Botman and Tonali (of course!) will NOT feature again this season ——BUT there iz hope that The Pope  Joelinton  Trippier and Almiron could feature before the end of the season!?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday!---SO! az per usual! "Watch this space!"

THE PALLISS PARIAHS. 2-0 THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from'11:00am bells' onwards on the train back from King's Cross, Thorzday 25th April 2024

*”2 MINUTE WONDERS?!”

Eddie Howe said after this defeat that we played will for the first 2 minutes and then unravelled!

To be honest ‘Eddie’ we didn’t even play well IN the first 2 minutes eethaa —-and downed tools for the entire game!

 NUFC hadn’t played for 11 days since wor excellent 4-0 win ower Sporz , but with the same line up, we looked tired az we limped to half time with the game still scoreless!

That changed in the 55th minute when Mateta beat Dubravka in the Toon goal to put Palliss aheed!

*Contraversy then follows when Sean Longstaff woz pulled back in the box and he went doon like a ‘sack of tarries’ to claim a penalty!

The blind ref and VAR were havin non of it and the appeal woz rejected!

More misery woz inflicted near the end when Mateta fired through Debravka’s legs to kill the game!

Yet anothaa poor performance on the road—and with Moan U beatin relegation certainties Sheff U,  we slip to 7th in the table with 5 to play!  

Summary: The anly thing consistant aboot NUFC at the moment iz the inconsistanties!

Attendance: 25,002 (2,700 weary Toon fans!)

Palliss Pariahs---an explanation: Since the PIF takeower of The Toon, Palliss Ultras have had anti Saudi banners displayed in The Holmsdale Road End!---But last neet there were none? 

Wonder if this iz anything to dee with one of their sponsors bein' 'SAUDI Egyptian Developers'???

*Pub crawl pix in Croydon (Just 3 this time!)

Runnin total for the season 111 (Some visited twice or more)

THE PALLISS PARIAHS! v THE TOON *** TOONEET

 Posted 'high noon bells' on the train to London Wedinzday 24th April 2024

OH THE IRONY OF THE ADVERTISIN’ BOARDS!  

(Toon in white and green from last season!)

*Somehow the name Crystal Palace soonds a wonderous place---but the reality iz anything but!----A rundoon ancient tip of a groond with very poor sightlines in the visitors enclosure, in a rundoon crime ridden area of south London!

The Palliss Ultras? (or shud that be PRATS?) will be at it again with their anti Saudi banners, but last season there were advertisin' boards aroond their pitch showin SAUDI EGYPTIAN DEVELOPERS----a company that sponsors their club!

(Oh the irony!)

Not sure of the team line up, but Joe Willock iz definatly oot, but Callum Wilson could be on the bench!?

The reality iz that we can finish nee higher than the 6th position we currently occupy ---and that will be wor target for a European place next season! (Hopefully The Europa Leegue and NOT The Europa Conference!) 

A Geordie Times match report will appear here az we travel back to Tyneside on the train on Thorzday mornin' (Provided that they are runnin???)

HEED-ACHE!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 22nd April 2024

News that Gatesheed FC have been barred from the play-offs coz they cannit give a 10 year gaurentee that they can play at The International Stadium for that length of time, haz outraged Heed fans who at forst blamed Gatesheed Cooncil for that!

However they have responded to that claim that they are massivly in debt and are tryin' to sell it off and so cannit give them the 10 year assurance until its sold!

The question iz----why oh why didnt they tell the club this at the start of the season????

SO! —-in fact! —The Heedbangers have played the whole season to get back into the Futbaall Leegue for NOTHING! (They were voted oot in 1960 after finishin' 3rd bottom of the old 4th Division---with the bottom 2 clubs voted back in!)

They were due to play Solihull Moors at Solihull tomorrow neet in the forst qwaataa final play of---but that game haz now been cancelled with Solihull given a 'bye' to the semi finals!!!

Correction!--- Altrincham have been given a 'bye' instead of Solihull, coz they finished higher!----Solihull must now play Halifax on Wedinzday!

WOT AN ABSOLUTE SHAMBLES!

Gatesheed cooncil’s response

NEE REPLAYS IN THE FA CUP!---NEE EXTRA TEAM IN CHAMPS LEEGUE!

 Posted '1:29pm bells' Friday 19th April 2024

With nee game this weekend coz wor Premyaa Leegue original opponents this weekend, Moan U, are in FA Cup semi final action ower the weekend---SO!--- we are off to Dunston tomorrow to see 'The Bad Blue Boys' play Winterton Rangers in a Northern Premyaa Leegue game!

Ower the last couple of months Dunston have been ordered by the FA to play home games ‘away’ at places like Consett, Morpeth and even at Brighoose in Yorkshire? coz their pitch haz been waaterlogged with aall the heavy rain recently, and the drainage system haz been unable to cope with the crap wethaaa!

They've lost a fortune in bar and food takings and have played at least 7 home games away from home!

Gettin back to the FA Cup---az from next season there will be nee replays from the forst roond onwards, which haz infuriated the lower leegue and non leegue clubs az they wornt consulted aboot the changes at aall!

Personally it's good for me az aa gan to EVERY Toon home and away game, az its a reet hassle to arrange to gan to the othaa end of the country at short notice, shud a replay be needed---and of course the expense of an owerneet stay and travel! (Plymooth away after a draw at SJP and then a 850 mile roond trip midweek!---Nee thanx!)

And then to European qualification---coz of Man City, The Arse, Livaapoool and West Ham gettin knocked oot of Europe this week, anly 4 (instead of 5) Champions Leegue places will be allocated to Ingish clubs!----2 othaa places are for the Europa Leage and 1 for the Conference Leegue!

The permutations meen that NUFC must finish in the top 6 to gaurentee a European spot next season!---It's aall 'iffs' and 'buts'!---dependin who wins the Leegue and FA Cup!---And the anly team left in Europe, Villa could qualify for the Europa Leegue shud they win the Conference!---Unless they automatically qualify for The Champions Leegue!----7th place for us iz a possibility 'but' not certain!

We divvint play again til next Wedinzday when we travel to Palace in south London for a Premyaa Leegue fixture!

THE TOON 4 SPORZ 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 14th April 2024

"APRIL FOOLS --- AGAIN!"

Havin lost at SJP 6-1 last April it woz highly unlikely that another Sporz hammerin would happen this April!--How wrang we were!

In the orly perid of the game wor visitors had 2 great chances to take the lead at The Gallowgate End but spurned their chances! (sic!)

After this it woz aall NUFC az we pulverised the Leazes goal and the breakthrough came on the half hour mark when Anthony Gordon won the baall off a Sporz defender and threaded a great through baall to 'Alexander the Great' (Isak) who jinked past a defender to hit a right footed shot into the corner of the net! 1-0 to us!

Just 90 seconds later we doubled wor lead when a Pedro back pass missstayk fell nicely to Gordon in the box and he beat a defender to hit a sweet right shot past Vicario in the Sporz goal! 2-0 to us!

The second half woz just the same az The Toon attacked the Gallowgate goal and it woz soon 3-0 from Isak who received a fantastic lob from Bruno and raced through from the halfway line to hit a great right footed shot past Vicario to iffectivleee win the 3 points! 3-0 to us!

At this point most of the 3,000 Sporz fans in level 7 of The Leazes End departed to (no doubt) catch the forst train back to King's Cross in London!

Krafth then hit the post before the final icing on the cake came from ''Fab' Schar who rose above the Sporz defence to heed home from a Gordon corner kick! 4-0 to us full time!

The result meeenz that Sporz have conceded TEN goals against us in 2 consecutive Aprils----April fools for certain!

Attendance: 52,206 (3,000 very quiet Sporz fans!---just 1,000 at 'the death')

*NICE HEED ON MEE PINT!"

Post match drinx in 'The Gunner' near Central station!----Nee Sporz fans in here! (Wonder if the bar name iz the reason?)

Results ower the weekend meeen we stay in 6th place with 6 games to gan!---The lowest position we can now finish iz 14th and the highest iz a very improbable 4th place! 

THE TOON v SPORZ *** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

 Posted '2:30pm bells' Friday 12th April 2024

VIEW OF SJP FROM THE ROOF OF HADRIANS TOWER-- THE TAALLEST BUILDIN' IN THE TOON (PHOTO TAKEN BY 'WOR LASS'!)

We heed into the final 7 games of the season with a home game against Sporz in a '12:30 bells' kick off for the benefit of the tellywatchers on TNT!

Joe Willock iz unlikely to play az he haz a 'knock' and Lewis Haall iz also a doubt! It iz vital that we get at least one point oot of the game, but with the injuries we have it will be tough against a Sporz side hopin to qualify for The Champions Leegue!

In wor case its a chase for a Europa Leeage or Conference place and 7th position shud dee it! (We are currently in 8th position---just 2 behind Moan U in 6th!--and 1 point behind The Jellied Eels Mob in 7th---but we have a far superior goal difference to both!)

Honestleeee! It's a miracle that we are within touchin distance of Europe, with at least 11 key players still oot! 

One peeece of great news we can bring yoo, iz that Joelinton haz signed a new lang torm deal! (He’s one of the injured—-of course!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

As wonder wot ‘event’ they meeen???🤔